Last week I received an e-mail that wasn’t offering me a lower rate credit card or a lower rate mortgage. This e-mail wasn’t from the former wife of the king of Zambia who needed my assistance, and the use of my bank account, to help move $15 million. This e-mail didn’t offer me two extra inches on any part of my anatomy.
This e-mail offered me “Lawyers for Regular People.” I suppose I should have been skeptical when I saw that the website was sponsored by “MyFreeLawFirm.com.”
“You don’t get something for nothing,” is an adage that has been ingrained in me since childhood. But I’m also an advocate of “nothing ventured, nothing gained” so I “clicked” on the icon that read, not surprisingly, in 72-point type, “CLICK HERE.”
Having the keen law-school-trained mind that I have, I immediately noticed that another part of the web page said I could have “legal services for less than a cup of coffee a day.” Does that mean the MyFreeLawFirm.com lawyers work for half a cup of coffee a day? Or did they really mean that I could get legal services for less than the cost of a cup of coffee a day?
Before I could ponder this legal quagmire for more than a few seconds, my attention was drawn to the picture of the woman in the upper right hand corner of the page. She is attractive and the picture obviously is meant to present the image of a hard-working young attorney. Next to her picture it says, “We work every case like it’s our only case!”
Now that makes me nervous. Is every case their only case?
But all I needed to do to enter this wonderful world of dollar-a-day lawyers was fill out this simple form. I also would receive a “free” legal assessment and “free” standard will! (Note to the readers: The ubiquitous exclamation points are not mine. They actually appear in the text.)
I filled out the form. Name. E-mail address. Phone number. For “legal problem” I chose “mediation” from their list because I have a mediation coming up in a few weeks and none of the other listed problems like “Landlord/Tenant” or “Divorce” seemed appropriate. The final question asked me if I had a credit card, debit card or bank account.
This question, of course, set my skeptical mind wandering. How long would it take for the MyFreeLawFirm.com lawyers to ask for direct deposits from my account into theirs? But I trudged on and “clicked” on the submit button, whereby, I was immediately transferred to a page of advertisements for lower rate credit cards, lower mortgages and lots of “free stuff!” How did they forget to include the former queen of Zambia?
Shortly after trying to navigate my way out of this mess, and finding myself sent back to the advertisement page over and over, I just signed off the Internet.
But now the e-mail keeps coming. I got a note from Victoria Baird of “advocates4u.com” telling me she would try to telephone me. I’m still waiting. I got another e-mail from [email protected] confirming my interest on a legal issue and thanking me “in advance!”
Later, I got another e-mail from Victoria telling me that her company is called “Pre-Paid Legal Services” which, it turns out, is a company I’ve written about before.
She invited me to watch a “movie” about the company and reminded me their “service is great!” Kevin M. of Dallas is included in the e-mail. He says he’s “getting lots of legal advice and I never receive a bill.”
Victoria closes her letter to me with the salutation, “Take care. Let’s talk soon, Mitch!”
I think I’ll pass on the offer. I’ve been in this legal business a long time, and the Pre-Paid Legal plan has far too many exclamation points for me.
— Mitch Margo is an attorney in St. Louis and a member of The Levison Group, which provides columns for this newspaper. He may be reached at [email protected].