Jax Bar Sports Column
Somehow you knew it was going to be a special night when Patt Sher showed up at the Holland & Knight softball game in fishnet stockings and a Bill McBride for Governor T-shirt. And nothing else. (How do we get invited to those fundraisers?)
Holland & Knight, the biggest gorilla on the block even after the right-sizing, was ecstatic with its first victory in an organized Jacksonville Bar event since Chesterfield Smith was the managing partner. Team manager Brendan Rager, at the press conference at The Ritz after the game said, “I am just here to help the ball club, and good Lord willing, we’ll get’em next week too.”
Todd “T-Bone” Johnson broke down after the game in the locker room (he was alone in the shower), “I have been waiting for this day all my life.” Pitcher Donny MacKenzie, who continued to wear his shades even after the sun went down, led the way hurling four strikeouts. One guy for the reeling Pajcics (1-2), who will remain nameless, struck out three times. Brutal.
Finally, the milestone victory for Holland & Knight would not have been possible without the supreme efforts of Darby “Double D” Duncan and Katie “Rainman” Lewis. Duncan & Lewis were critical in that they got the DNP - did not play. At least not on the field.
Pajcic team manager Clemente Inclan was understandably distraught during the post-game festivities. When pressed for comment Inclan stated, “No hablo ingles.”
What was going to be the lead for the column until Beaner’s law firm pulled the major upset was another perennial underdog Rogers Towers (2-0) hot start and surprise victory over the previously undefeated Strikebreakers (2-1). No thanks to Rick Vermut though - he remains a big 0-fer for the season. Troy Smith was AWOL, too, something about an initial response to his SWM ad in Folio Weekly after a six-week dry spell of only calls from plus-size octogenarians looking for a good time. The key addition, and frankly what appears to be the difference maker, is the player known simply as the Man Older than Dirt — Tom Saitta. By the way, Drew Frick is OK after being run over by a truck at first base named Dave “Jack Tatum” Merrill from the Strikebreakers. Ouch.
Another underdog Smith Hulsey (0-3) missed a golden opportunity in its most recent tilt; producing only a steady stream of errors. Understandably, team manager Troy Smith was upset as a result of the unexpected isolated showers that only added to the squad’s problems. Hopefully, they will be a little more discrete in the future when they mark their territory. By the way, since you asked, the team’s new motto is “Give’em the Full Monty.”
Moving along in no particular order (it’s amazing what you can write after a few Coronas), the steroid scandal has apparently touched the Jacksonville Bar Association Softball League. It seems that Akerman Senterfitt’s (2-1) D.R. Repass’ two bombs to the basketball court have not gone unnoticed. Manager David Otero claims that the fact that Repass’ helmet size has increased two-fold in the last year, is irrelevant. Repass has taken a different tack with the alleged blood doping, concentrating his workouts on the midsection.
Steroid accusations tossed at last year’s Most Valuable Player, J. Richard Moore, Jr. from Better Tritt (3-0), may be unfounded as well after Moore held his own press conference (the pizza was comp’d) and responded by saying “it’s not my fault, it’s a glandular problem!”
Hit & Run (3-0) has gotten off to a fast start, even without the presence of pitcher Jim Purcell, who keeps promising coach Scott Schildberg that he is leaving the Strikebreakers, “any game now” to move over to Hit & Run.
In an effort to motivate the struggling, but ever-present, Harrell & Johnson (1-2) club, Manager Vince Gallagher promised his players he would indeed pay a visit to the Hair Club for Men, if they would “Just Win Baby.” Anyone notice that team Most Valuable Player Mike O’Rourke has not shaved for two months?
Finally, Bedell’s (1-1) Don Mairs and Aaron Metcalf, after their recent careers as FCC’s regulators, must be reading this and wondering why half of this column was not deleted.
Until next month — go Underdogs!