by Braxton Gillam
Everyone is tired of the confusion.
The local judges are tired of it. Steve Busey is tired of it. Legal assistants and receptionists are tired of it. Alan Geiger is tired of it. It has to be fixed. There may be no more important issue facing the Bar for 2004.
What is this issue of enormous importance?
No, it is not more public service from Bar members or refereeing in law league sports. It is the ongoing problem of having two Troy Smiths floating around Bar circles, courtrooms and law offices.
The similarities (or eerie coincidences) are too striking. Each Troy Smith is single. Each Troy Smith works for a venerable law firm, with one Troy Smith at Smith Hulsey & Busey and one Troy Smith at Rogers Towers. Each Troy Smith practices commercial litigation. Each Troy Smith serves on the Young Lawyer’s Board of Governors. Each Troy Smith has flowing blond locks — wait, we’re confused again.
This problem has been brewing for years. During the summer of 2000, R. Troy Smith (the Smith Hulsey attorney) interviewed with Roger Towers (where Troy K. Smith works) after moving to Jacksonville from Texas. It was during this interview that he had to be introduced with the qualifying comment that he was “R. Troy Smith, not “our” Troy Smith.” The problem has become so prolific that when referencing either of these two lawyers it has become commonplace to add “the Rogers Towers one” or “the Smith Hulsey one,” to ensure you have properly identified the person about whom you are speaking.
Since that interview, the problems have manifested in numerous ways, including, weekly service of pleadings and other court papers on the wrong law firm, mis-delivery of prescription drugs (it was only recently discovered that a Troy Smith takes Viagra) and misdirected referrals of legal business. Most recently, Troy K. Smith (the Rogers Towers one), a veteran member of the Jacksonville Bar Association’s Young Lawyer’s Board of Governor’s complained that R. Troy Smith (the Smith Hulsey one), one of the Board’s newest members, received all of his senior committee assignments.
With that background, we came up with a solution while imbibing with James McCachren. The Bar is pleased to announce the First Annual Troy-Off. The winner of the competition for 2004 gets to use the name “Troy Smith” for the entire year while the loser will be known by their other name, either Kareem (the Roger Towers one) or Roxie (the Smith Hulsey one). Because each of these men has his own areas of relative strength, no one event would fairly decide this matter. Therefore, we propose the following five events:
1. The Billable Hour Event: This event is the marathon of the competition. As its name implies, this event takes place throughout the year. The winner of course is the Troy who bills the most hours in 2003. This event will be sponsored by the Rogers Towers and Smith Hulsey law firms this year.
2. The Collections Event: This event is related to the Billable Hour Event, but credits the lawyers whose law firm collects the most fees for that Troy’s work product. This event measures not how hard the Troys work, but rather which Troy is the most productive. Similarly, this event will be sponsored by the Rogers Towers and Smith Hulsey law firms this year with any unlikely profits from the Troys’ work for 2003 to be donated to the Gillam and Nicandri Children’s Section 529 plans for college.
3. The Originations Event: Given their parallel career tracks, both Troys are naturally seeking partnership in their respective firms at roughly the same time. Therefore, this event is of particular concern to each Troy. At least one Troy is already concerned that the other has been benefiting from referrals that should have come to him. While there is no direct evidence that either Troy has been trading on the other Troy’s good name, such potential is a main reason for this Troy Off. As such, the acceptance of misdirected referrals is hereby declared illegal. Punishment for violation of this rule will result in a forfeiture by the offending Troy of the Originations Event. In the event of any dispute over a possible violation of this rule, Ray Driver shall act as judge, jury and executioner. His decision will be final.
4. The Courthouse Run Event. This event will simulate the last-minute run to the courthouse to file a complaint prior to the statute of limitations period running on a particular claim. The dress for the event shall be dark suit, wing tips, silk tie. This competition will take place on three hours notice on the next humid 80 degree day. (Memo to Troys — please make sure that you stock this uniform in your office). This year the Troys will start the race at the northern most entry way to the current Duval County Courthouse and end at the large hole in the ground across the street from the old federal courthouse (the site of the future Duval County Courthouse).
5. The Chug. This event promises to be the most enjoyable for the rest of the bar. As the name implies, this event will pit Troy against Troy, head to head, in a good old fashion beer chug. Though listed last here, this event shall be the kickoff of the First Annual Troy-Off. This year the Chug will be held at the London Bridge Pub at 6 p.m. Nov. 20. This Happy Hour event will be sponsored by the Young Lawyer’s Section of the Jacksonville Bar.
Like the Olympics, additional events may be added in future years. Please forward any ideas to the Troy-Off Organizing Committee c/o Braxton Gillam.
So come on out to the London Bridge and root for your favorite Troy! Just think — the confusion is coming to an end! In the meantime, if you have any questions, or would like to discuss this matter further, please give a Troy a call.