When you elected me to the Jacksonville Bar Board of Governors last year, I made two campaign promises: (1) a free bar tab at the annual meeting at Deerwood as long as you went to the bar and said the secret words, “This is on the tab of Mike Prendergast;” and, (2) that I would get on the inside of this seemingly secret society and let you know what is really going on.
Here’s the skinny on what I have learned in my year “on the inside:”
1. Marianne Aho and I have served on the board for approximately a year and I am pretty sure she does not know my name, who I am, or what I do. In all fairness to her, I would only know her by her photo.
2. Dan Bean has a bizarre fascination with the Holland & Knight issued Blackberry. He keeps checking for messages during the meetings. Predictably, one never comes. Sometimes, when we want to have fun with him, Angelo Patacca and I will put a strong magnet near his Blackberry just to watch him panic when it goes on the fritz.
3. Joe Camerlengo sure does get a lot of phone calls. He has one of those big brick phones that acts as a cell phone, PDA, beeper, internet portal and personal valet that I think are standard issue to all sports agents. I can’t tell you how many times I heard him say, ‘Drew Rosenhaus?! That guy can’t even shine my shoes!’
4. I am pretty sure there is some sort of “trilateral Commission” going on at the board level but I cannot say that for sure. If there is one, Hank Coxe and Diane Gill are involved, possibly
in conjunction with Bill Joel and Jim Moseley Jr.
5. I have uncovered proof that if you get on Gill’s bad side, she will launch countermeasures such making you sit at the Holland & Knight table at the monthly luncheons. I got on her bad side once and she told me, ‘You think you might be something being on the board, but let me tell you, you are nothing. The Jax Bar is MY gig!’
6. Even though the board meetings are recorded, EVERY comment by Hank Coxe is “off the record.”
7. Caroline Emery hates it when I come to meetings in my Greg Louganis autographed Speedo. I don’t understand what she has against Greg Louganis or Speedos, except for maybe there are not pockets to put emery boards. I think she wishes, like every other person in the Jacksonville Bar, that Coffman, Coleman had put up another partner, Bob Riegel, to run for the board. The good news is that for those of you who cannot get enough of Bob Riegel, of which there are many, a Bob Riegel beach activity calendar will be available for the 2004 year. Now you can see Bob litigating and being a general nice guy in various swimwear.
8. Kelly Mathis made a vow after Bill Clinton beat George Bush in 1992 that he would never buy another tie until another person named Bush becomes president. I know this because Jerry Garcia has been dead for 8 years and he has not made any ties since his demise. Committed. That’s the word for Kelly. Committed.
9. Reggie Luster will make a great president of the Bar in a couple of years. As one of his first acts, I want him donate his cool ties to Kelly Mathis. Plus, he’s really smart. When he heard I was writing this column, he said something about a “writ of mandamus.” Does anyone out there know what that is?
10. Mike Freed, before having a sterling career at Smith Hulsey, was a professional wrestler. He grappled in the “light-light-light-you-outta-be-a-jockey” division under the assumed name Joaquin Stanislov, claiming to be of a bizarre mixed descent of Cuban exiles who went way of course hundreds of years ago and landed in upper Norway. He was banished into retirement after losing two out of three pinfalls to Tonya Harding.
11. Mike Freed is so eager to please his constituents and fellow members of the board, he is willing to do just about anything. Gill actually got him to eat Alpo for charity.
12. There is some bizarre “chi” going on between Hank Coxe and JBA president Bill Joel. Joel administrates the Bar effectively, but when Coxe comes into the meetings, he suddenly changes. I think I saw the same behavior in the movie, “The Stepford Wives.”
13. Was I the only person that sent flowers to Joel’s house after learning that he crashed his Mercedes into a tree on Long Island in a drunken stupor a couple of months back only to find out later that it was the wrong Bill Joel?
14. Alan Pickert did yoeman’s work this year on the “Jax Reads!” project which had the entire city read the book, “To Kill A Mockingbird.” Next year, he is suggesting that the Jax Reads! project be one of the books from the Emmanuelle series so we can argue the legal ins and outs of “prurient interest.” The board voted to pick a book from the series and Moseley volunteered to read the entire series to pick the best one.
15. Sherri Worman has represented the interests of the Young Lawyer’s Section very well by taking the Chicago Eight approach to her seat on the board. When something happens that is detrimental to the interests of the YLS, she stages sit-ins and calls us all a “bunch of fascists.”
16. Angelo Patacca is not big on marketing (odd for a Brown Terrell guy) but if you need able representation on med mal or any Mary Kay products, just go see him. I know I do. A few more sales and he finally gets the pink Cadillac.
17. Clearly I am the dumbest member of the board. I have been there the entire year and I still cannot figure out how the Board of Governor notebooks are set up. At this point, I am six months behind on the minutes.
18. Nobody on the board likes me very much. Hence the “tell all” book.
Oh, and I did find out we do a lot of good work. When you go to courthouse and see paintings of retired and deceased judges? That’s us. When there is a vegetarian plate offered at annual meetings? That’s us. And when you get a letter asking for money? More than likely, that is us.
And don’t worry, if you miss it now, you can purchase the full version of “A Devine Year on the Inside” in paperback at the Book Nook and other fine reading outlets.