In the practice of law, most of us learn quickly that knowing the statutes, rules and procedures is only part of what it takes to resolve a case.
The people involved often matter just as much. This is especially true in family law, where emotions run high and where the history between the parties can influence the process in ways that are not always obvious at the start.
One of the most effective tools we have as practitioners is taking the time to understand the opposing party. Not just the attorney or the named litigant, but the actual person on the other side of the table.
When we make an effort to understand who we are dealing with, cases often run smoother, communication improves and resolutions come more easily.
Understanding the opposing party does not require sympathy and it certainly does not require agreement.
It simply means paying attention to what motivates them.
In family cases, the surface level position often does not explain the behavior we see.
A parent who refuses to compromise on a timesharing schedule might not be attempting to control the situation.
They may be reacting to fear about losing access to their child.
A spouse who appears stubborn about dividing assets may have long-standing worries about financial security.
When we recognize the real concern behind the legal argument, we are better positioned to address it. Sometimes this is as simple as how we frame an offer or how we explain a proposal. Other times, it may mean providing reassurance, additional information or a different structure that meets the underlying need.
A small shift in how we understand the other side can turn a stalled conversation into genuine progress.
Personalities matter as well. Every attorney has their own style, and every litigant brings their own way of communicating.
Some lawyers appreciate concise, direct communication. Others like a more collaborative approach with open discussion. Some self-represented parties communicate constantly. Others disappear until the last minute.
Some people get overwhelmed if too much information arrives at once. Others want every detail up front.
When we know the tendencies of the other side, we can tailor our own approach in ways that reduce conflict and prevent misunderstandings.
Choosing the right communication style is not about giving in. It is about getting the case where it needs to go with fewer avoidable detours.
This intentional approach also helps reduce costs and delays. A significant amount of time and money in family cases is spent addressing misunderstandings or misinterpretations, rather than actual disagreements.
When we understand how the opposing party thinks and communicates, we can keep the case focused on the issues that truly matter.
That means fewer unnecessary hearings, fewer emergency motions and fewer emotional flareups that derail progress. Clients appreciate efficiency more than anything. They want the process to be manageable, predictable and respectful of their time and resources. Knowing the opposing party helps create that environment.
Finally, understanding the other side improves professionalism. Even in contentious matters, when attorneys make an effort to understand one another, the tone of the entire case shifts. Trust becomes easier to build. Negotiations become smoother. The overall process becomes more civil and more productive.
Family law is one of the areas where civility matters most, because the parties often have to continue interacting long after the case ends. A more respectful, thoughtful process during the dispute can have benefits for families trying to rebuild their lives.
Knowing your opposing party is not a soft skill. It is a practical tool that strengthens advocacy, reduces conflict and leads to better outcomes.
In a field built around people and relationships, understanding the person across the table is one of the most valuable advantages we have.
Tim Miller is a partner at Harris Guidi Rosner and practices in the areas of family law and criminal defense.