by Michele Newbern Gillis
Staff Writer
Men, turn the page and move on. This is for ladies only.
Ladies, can you keep a secret? You’re about to learn how to handle men, but they don’t need to know that you know.
“When a woman understands the drivers of Alpha males and ways that women give up their power, she is in a very strong position,” says Chris Flett, a business coach for women who spoke at last month’s meeting of the Commercial Real Estate Women of Jacksonville at the Jacksonville Marriott.
(We might mention that this “Chris” is a he, not a she.)
“It’s about women understanding how men work, not them becoming men themselves,” said Flett, who said the key to doing business with men is to speak the language of the Alpha male.
“Talk in a language he understands,” he said. “I use these terms all of the time when communicating with other men in business.”
Men talk in codes, Flett said, and the wary woman can get ahead by listening carefully.
“‘Pull the trigger’ means sign the deal,” he said. “A ‘boat anchor’ is someone hard to do business with. A ‘pile on’ is a women he knows he can get to do his work for him. A ‘piker’ is man or woman who pretends to be successful, but isn’t. A ‘mouth’ is a woman who can’t keep a secret. The term ‘realistic’ is a loser word; it means ‘here’s a reason why I can’t achieve what I really wanted to do.’ An ‘earner’ is anyone who makes as much as the Alpha male or more. A ‘finder’ brings the work in. A ‘minder’ makes sure the work gets done and the ‘grinder’ does the work.”
Flett said men look at their position in the pecking order. They are driven by money and status.
“We use our toys to show other men how well we are doing,” he said. “We are ego driven and we can’t tolerate any criticism.”
Men look towards the final goal rather than the processes to get there.
“Men are goal-oriented so, if you want them to do something, it’s best to ask them to do something by a certain time,” he said. “If they agree, they’ll do it because otherwise they would look bad.”
He said men are unsure of how to engage with women in business and rarely do they trust women right away. Also, competitively, men will not hesitate to sabotage a woman.
“Women get equality through their actions, not by asking for it,” he said. “That’s the reason women make less than men. Once women in their minds decide that they are equal, they become equal.”
Flett listed of ways that women undermine themselves in business: taking things personally, making excuses, not getting to the point, open attack of one another, telling secrets, bringing personal issues to work, seeking external affirmation, giving ideas in the form of a question, accepting poor treatment, being selfless, not understanding business endorsement, not asking for what you want and not having a Plan B.
He said women need to look out for each other and point out to them when they are giving up their power.
“A woman on her own can feel like she is lost in the crowd,” said Flett. “When women pull together and defend both their own and their fellow woman’s power, the model changes.”