The world is a busy place — full of crowded trains and rushing people — all late, all crabby, and all in your way. At least once each day, you are subjected to rudeness, to unbridled arrogance, to an unreasonable response to a reasonable situation. Do you think these nasty folk are particularly bright, or strong, or more justified in their position?
No. It is more likely, in fact, that you mutter epithets under your breath and push back. The only feeling that you have for that person is a certain moral superiority and a desire for revenge, however moderate. Given the rather significant downside to this behavior, then, why do so many attorneys seem to consider it appropriate in the day-to-day practice of law?
Don’t think me a Pollyanna now. God help you if you talk in front of me in a movie theater or fail to merge properly on an expressway in my presence. Still, though, I don’t believe that the practice of law is best served by the incivility that predominates.
There are many times when being a good lawyer requires you to be a strong and tireless advocate on behalf of your client. Advocating does not, however, require an ad hominem attack on opposing counsel. Making the point louder is not necessarily making the point better. Obstreperousness is not usually the wisest strategy. Let me employ a few cliches to underscore my point.
You catch more flies with honey ...
It may not be in your client’s best interest to approach a relationship with opposing counsel as if it were war. There are many times when the best interests of all concerned are met by avoiding litigation and simply solving the problem. As lawyers, born fighters most of us, this may go against our natural order. Think about it, though. Being amicable does not mean being weak. There is plenty of time for things to escalate to a more adversarial pace. Why not start out assuming that things can be worked out among reasonable people?
There but for the grace of God go I ...
If, like me, you never make mistakes, you can ignore this one. However, if you have ever misread a filing deadline or sent out a document in error, pay attention. The next time opposing counsel calls to tell you that she is having difficulty scheduling a deposition, or that he needs to reschedule a hearing because of an illness in the family, think twice before being a jerk. Is there really any reason not to? What’s the harm?
Now, if this is a persistent pattern or the request is made for the obvious purpose of delay, tell opposing counsel to get lost without hesitation. Otherwise, think of your gracious response as a chit in the bank should you ever need to make a similar request.
What goes around comes around ...
Closely related to “the Grace of God” theory is the karmic approach. “Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it” also springs to mind. In my opinion, people who engage in this type of behavior are more likely to be the recipient of it as well. Now it may not be today, or tomorrow, but some day. And if not in this lifetime, then the next.
Whither thou goest ...
This particular cliche is useful to remind us that if you act like an idiot to me, the next time you have to deal with my partner, or my law school buddy, or my spouse, your reputation will precede you. Media-hyped glut of lawyers or not, this is a very small club.
Similarly, before we lose our temper, let’s not forget that our actions reflect on our entire firm/organization. Although the temptation to be uncivil may be overwhelming, remember that shampoo commercial that advertised “and they’ll tell two friends and they’ll tell two friends and they’ll tell two friends”? It’s not just the parties to the communication who are aware of it. It’s the judge, the colleagues, the clients ... you get the idea.
There are times when an aggressive response is the only way to go, but does being obnoxious really further your cause? I’m not saying that we have to go all soft, just that we should treat each other as reasonable, professional people acting in good faith, until circumstances dictate otherwise.
Legal Communication is edited by Maureen B. Collins, director of legal writing at DePaul College of Law. Comments, questions, and other correspondence regarding the column may be sent to her at [email protected] or DePaul College of Law, 25 East Jackson, Chicago, Illinois 60604. Sonya Hoener, Esq. was instrumental in having this reprinted with permission of the Illinois Bar Journal, Vol. 88 #10, October, 2000. Copyright by the Illinois State Bar Association.